RULE #1: "It's about Ratings and Revenue."
RULE #2: "Never let the facts get in the way of a good talk show."
RULE #3: "If you vote for a school levy, you're stupid."
RULE #4: "Never, ever fight over a woman."
RULE #5: "Never own a pet that can eat you."
MAN CARDS REVOKED
As regular listeners of the Saturday program know, there have been famous individuals who have had their “Man Cards” revoked for doing unmanly things. Many will think this is a joke. It’s not. To have your Man Card revoked takes a serious offense against manhood; behavior that is unbecoming. When an offense is publicized and an individual is nominated, it is brought up with the board of executives that are involved in the production of the program.Should the majority vote against the individual, their Man Card is revoked. In the long history of the Saturday program, only 3 have had their man cards pulled.
It was Thanksgiving Day 2009, Tiger (who normally would have received an “uber” man card for his behavior) failed to understand the importance of having a “B-phone.” Things quickly got out of hand as his ex-wife beat the hell out of him with a golf club after sharing some turkey, stuffing and pumpkin pie. One by one the strippers and “Waffle House" waitresses came forward.
OFFENSE: Getting the hell beat out of him by his wife, having to “apologize” in front of his mother, having to write a check for hundreds of millions of dollars.
EPILOG: He now has two telephones, an "A" and "B" phone.
Where do we start? Here is arguably one of the most high-profile basketball coaches in the country. He picks up a woman at an Italian restaurant in Louisville. He has sex with her in a booth after the place closes. She claims she’s pregnant. He is said to have paid for her abortion. Then the real extortion began. He is then made to testify in court the sex was quick, lasting onlya few seconds and that it went…well…never mind. Cheating on his wife? Abortion? Not really the way a self-proclaimed serious Catholic is to act.
OFFENSE: Being stupid and the 3 or 4 seconds thing is really disturbing to any Italian (refer questions to "The Situation" on Jersey Shore).
EPILOG: Pitino is working on restoring not only his man card, but also his Italian card.
He’s an actor and we’re not really sure what he’s famous for other than being married to Courtney Cox, the actress from the TV show “Friends.” Therein, the problem. She dumped him. What does he do? He goes on Howard Stern’s Sirius radio show and cries. Stern even tries to cheer him up by asking what it’s like to get some “new.” He still cries for her.OFFENSE: You never fight over a woman (refer to Saturday program Rule #4) and you never cry over a woman. Why? Because there are more women on Earth than men.EPILOG: Starting to discover the “new” and how good that “new” can be.UPDATE: Mr. Courteney Cox is now a member of the cast on the new season of Dancing With The Stars.Normally this would be another offense againstone's Man Card, but The Executive Committee has concluded no further action against Arquetteis required. Besides the producersofDWTS must be reaching the bottom of the barrel if they consider him a"star." Nancy Grace is a cast member too. Need we say more?
The ultimate fail one man can do to another is to reveal an affair. Look it up. It’s right up there with Man Card rules like talking to the guy next to you at a urinal. No man shall EVER make it publicly known another has some “side beef.” Seems Gordon is mad and has accused his in-lawsof running his business empire into the dirt. If they have a name, he’s suing them. That includes his father-in-law. Sure suing the in-laws will make those holiday dinners somewhat tense. Some would say that alone is unforgiveable. The lawsuit family plan wasn’t enough for our “Kitchen Nightmare,” however. He decided to go all scorched earth policy and sue the alleged mistress of his father-in-law. This is where he runs a “fowl” of the Man Card rules. Sure the old man may be “porking” someone on the side. Sure he should have kept is “wiener” in his pants. It should be in a man’s
He's going to kill himself. He doesn't care. He's uber rich. He's uber famous and he can outlast anyone when it comes to drinking, drugs, sex and porno. The honor of the first ever "Uber Man Card" goes to Reds' fan and (kind of) product of Ohio, Charlie Sheen.
Little did we know when he was found wastedon $10,000 a bottle wine, blow and with his pants around his ankles in a restaurant bathroom and then proceeding to bust up a hotel room in NYC, he was only warming up.
EVIDENCE OF UBER-NESS: Just prior to being awarded the "Uber Man Card" he ended up in the hospital because he "aggravated a hernia" laughing too hard at TV. Sure. Chuck.Rumor has ithe(a) had been partying for 36-hours straight, (b) was watching non-stop porno, (c) was hanging with5 porno actresses, one he seemed to pay $30,000 just to hang out,(d)was getting hammered on hard liquor, (e) had a brief case filled with cocaine delivered to him. All this and he survived, except for the laughing too hard thing. One of the porno actresses even commented she was amazed at the amount of porno he had! Awesome!
EPILOG: Has set the new high water mark for "gonzo" partying. Even Lindsay Lohan can't keep up with him and has acknowledged, "No mas. No mas."
Winning! EARL JONES (Verona, KY)
The “Verona Vigilante” is 92 years young and NOT to be messed with. He worked on the Enola Gay during WWII. That's the plane that droppedthe A-Bomb on Japan. That alone should warn any punks that want to mess with him, but no. Three failed to heed the warning. One is now room temperature.On the morning of September 3, 2012, a group of 20-somethings decided to hassle Mr. Jones one more time. The “Verona Vigilante” was ready, along witha trusted friend. Mr. Jones sat with his rifle waiting for his basement door to open.EVIDENCE OF UBER-NESS: Three young men decided to drop by and pay Mr. Jones an early morningvisit around 2am.Thinking he was 92 years of age and probably had a few dollars they could steal easily, one broke into his basement. Earl, whose hearing appears to be just fine, heard the noise from below. He grabbed his 22-rifle and waited for the punk to come up the stairs. When the door opened…BANG! And backwards down the stairs thepunk went. Wounded, the punk made it back to the escape car where he died with his two accomplices’. When asked if he felt badly about killing the punk, he had no remorse.Earl Jones, Verona, KY’s own “Paul Kersey,” the Charles Bronson character from the movie series “Death Wish.” “You believe in Jesus? Well you’re gonna meet him.” BANG!EPILOG: No charges brought against Mr. Jones. One punk is dead. Two going to trial and heading to the big house to serve as "jail bait." When asked about pulling the trigger he felt his aim was a little off. He said hewas trying to shoot thepunk in the heart for an instant kill."Go ahead. Make Earl's day!"
Cincinnati Enquirer Columbus Enquirer-Cincinnati Edition TV/Radio critic John Kiesewetter continues to stand by his claim that Rod Serling, celebrated screen writer, authored "junk" when he was an employee of 700WLW decades ago.
A heavy smoker, Rodman Serling died in 1975 and is buried in the Finger Lakes region of New York State. His simple grave is marked not for who he was at the time of his death, but for honors in serving our country during World War 2.
"Kiese," as his four readers know him, has chosen to preserve his credibility as a TV/Radio critic by calling into question the "body of work" of a dead legendary writer - a man, who in death, cannot defend himself. "Kiese" also prefers to attack a proud veteran of the United States of America, a man who served honorably in life and a man who continues to serve honorably in death, resting in peace overlooking a lake in the tranquil rolling hills of Upstate New York.
How sad is it when someone has to stoop to attacking a legend, a dead man and a war veteran? Sad indeed.
You have to appreciate the quality of writing in the Cincinnati Enquirer Columbus Enquirer-Cincinnati Edition these days.
It appears Channel 14 minus 2 is celebrating an anniversary soon and the ingenious, enterprising TV/Radio critic John Kiesewetter felt it was the time to call out a celebrated 700WLW employee and legendary television writer for no other reason (I'd guess) than his legacy is soiled by collecting a paycheck from The Big One decades ago.
Rod Serling is looked upon as one of the most respected writers in television history. He's the guy that wrote the TV series "Twilight Zone." You've probably seen it in black and white on a cable channel over the years. As a TV production the show was OK. What made the "Twilight Zone" so memorable was its writing - scripts crafted by Serling himself.
What did Serling do during his time in Cincinnati at 700WLW? Wrote "junk," according to "Kiese."
I guess John knows "junk" when he sees it.
Sources close to the Bengals and James Harrison of each told me why the former Steelers' star decided to sign a 2-year deal with the Cincinnati Bengals.
To quote one of the sources very close to the new Bengals' linebacker, "So I don't have to wear that f***ing ugly uniform anymore. Damn."
Now we know why Harrison is such a nasty player.
Here's the guy the FBI said was Boston Bomber "Number One," Tamerlan Tsarnaev. He's now dead. CLICK HERE to see his dead body in the morgue. It appears his end was violent too.
Is it graphic? Yep!
These are nasty and violent.